so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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