so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
