Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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