Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize