Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
