i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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