you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
