You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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