Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
