There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
