she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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