if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
