i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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