My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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