My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
