no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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