Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the room spins SO much faster in panama
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize