I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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