just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
is that a dick in a sweater?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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