Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have aggressive nipples.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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