Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
