Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
