I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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