Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
