just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
