I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
