So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize