i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
