I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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