If i come over, it means nothing
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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