Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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