I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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