Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
