My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
