it hurts more in the daytime
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
