Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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