Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
