So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize