I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
