It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
