Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
