grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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