he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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