roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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