Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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