it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
