You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
