i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
