another moral hangover. fuck.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Drake has all the answers
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize