Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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