yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
3pm strippers are depressing
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
