Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
