I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize