My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
