you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
