I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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