apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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