Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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