i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
