drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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