I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
