Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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