What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
