I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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