You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
