Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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