Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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