I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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