Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
