So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
