Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize