I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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