Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
