Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize