Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
