this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
