The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
