Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
