So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
