At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
