I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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