Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
