oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
