If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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