he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
