Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
