it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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