My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
