he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
