There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
