Fuck appropriateness.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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