From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
worst night to have a conscience
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
