So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
