hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
